Friday, March 6, 2020

Leap

Saturday was February 29th. Leap Day. This got me thinking about all of the "leaps". Leaping is scary. It is literally an attempt to defy the universal principal of gravity. To jump in the air and float, unencumbered by the forces that hold us down, hold us in our place. Many of my best leaps have been in an effort to escape the forces trying to hold me down.

My top three Game-Changing Leaps:

1. Brooklyn - Getting pregnant may not have been much of a leap. It was more of an act of irresponsibility. But deciding to be her mom was one of the scariest leaps I have ever made. I was a kid, how on earth was I going to raise a kid. And talk about forces holding me down. I can't count . how many times I heard that I was ruining my life. That I would never make it. That she would not have a good life because I was too young to provide one. That I needed to give her up to someone that could give her what she deserved. Something in my young heart knew that I could break those bonds and live a wonderful life of my own while raising her to be an incredible human all her own. That's a leap I have been proud of for 22 years. Being a mom to Brooklyn and Rylee, though I was mere babe when we started, is the best thing I have ever done.

2. Going back to school at age 37 - This was a terrifying, timid sort of jump, and in less than two months, I will graduate. The bonds of working jobs that don't fill my cup are unraveling and the freedom I feel with my education is incredible.

3. Marrying Cody - He's younger than me and has such a wild heart. I was feeling broken and unsure of who I was and what my worth was. But being Cody's wife is an adventure every day. While there are still things that scare me, he lifts me up and fills my sails with confidence when I can't seem to find my own.

Disassociation

8.26.24 Driving. Feeling so much, and also, nothing at all. Somewhat numb. I’m heading to Brooklyn’s ultrasound appointment. Going to see my...